Should I begin? Ok, here I go:

1) How come Tarzan has no bears even though he grows up with wolves in the jungle?

2) Why does glue not stick to the insides of the tube or can that it comes in?

3) Why do they use sterile injections when executing someone who is condemned to death?

4) Why do we press down harder and harder or the remote controls even though we know that the batteries are low?

5) Why is it that when someone hits us in the ankles with his supermarket trolley and then appologizes, do we say that everything is ok? I mean, things are not really fine. Why is it that we do not say that it hurts?

6) Why is it that whatever the color of the bath soap, the bubbles are always white?

7) Why is it that you will never find a day when mattresses are not on sale?

Why is it that online casinos always offer big prize money for their tournaments but never reveal the real name of the winner after the competition is over?

9) If human beings evolved from monkeys, why is it that there still are monkeys?

10) Why did the Japanese Kamikaze pilots wear helmets during the second World War?

11) Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest but, then, duck when the empty gun is thrown at him.

12) Why do banks charge a commission when you go into debt even though they know that there is no money in that account?

13) Why do people go back again and again to the refrigerator hoping that something new to eat will appear there?

14) Why do people move their vacuum cleaner over a thin thread lying on the floor, bend down, pick it up, examine it, and then, place it on the floor again and move the vacuum over it again?

15) Why do people believe it when they are told that there are more than four billion stars, but when they see a sign that says wet paint, they have to touch and check?

16) Why does a plastic bag not open at the end where you first try to open it?

17) Why do you never hear jokes about father in laws?

18) Why are there dead insects inside enclosed electric lamps?

19) Why is it that in winter we try and keep the house as warm as it was during the summer when back in the summer we hated the heat?

20) Why is it that every time you try and catch something that is about to fall off the table, you always hit something else and drop that instead?

Conclusion:

Life has many oddities and conundrums: some funny, some less. I have mentioned but a few. Think of more? Send them to me.

Should I begin? Ok, here I go:

1) How come Tarzan has no bears even though he grows up with wolves in the jungle?

2) Why does glue not stick to the insides of the tube or can that it comes in?

3) Why do they use sterile injections when executing someone who is condemned to death?

4) Why do we press down harder and harder or the remote controls even though we know that the batteries are low?

5) Why is it that when someone hits us in the ankles with his supermarket trolley and then appologizes, do we say that everything is ok? I mean, things are not really fine. Why is it that we do not say that it hurts?

6) Why is it that whatever the color of the bath soap, the bubbles are always white?

7) Why is it that you will never find a day when mattresses are not on sale?

Why is it that online casinos always offer big prize money for their tournaments but never reveal the real name of the winner after the competition is over?

9) If human beings evolved from monkeys, why is it that there still are monkeys?

10) Why did the Japanese Kamikaze pilots wear helmets during the second World War?

11) Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest but, then, duck when the empty gun is thrown at him.

12) Why do banks charge a commission when you go into debt even though they know that there is no money in that account?

13) Why do people go back again and again to the refrigerator hoping that something new to eat will appear there?

14) Why do people move their vacuum cleaner over a thin thread lying on the floor, bend down, pick it up, examine it, and then, place it on the floor again and move the vacuum over it again?

15) Why do people believe it when they are told that there are more than four billion stars, but when they see a sign that says wet paint, they have to touch and check?

16) Why does a plastic bag not open at the end where you first try to open it?

17) Why do you never hear jokes about father in laws?

18) Why are there dead insects inside enclosed electric lamps?

19) Why is it that in winter we try and keep the house as warm as it was during the summer when back in the summer we hated the heat?

20) Why is it that every time you try and catch something that is about to fall off the table, you always hit something else and drop that instead?

Conclusion:

Life has many oddities and conundrums: some funny, some less. I have mentioned but a few. Think of more? Send them to me.

1) Coca-Cola: Did you know that its original colour was green?

2) Mohammed: Did you know that this is the most used name in the entire world?

3) Geographical Letters: Did you know that the name of each of the continents begins and concludes with the exact same alphabet? Do not believe that? Look up Asia, Europe, Africa, America, Antarctica and the rest.

4) Muscle Strength: Did you know that the strongest muscle in the entire body is that one which we use to lick a popsicle? Your tongue.

5) Credit Cards: In the United States, were you aware that each and every person has at least two credit cards?

6) An Antique Machine: The word for an old machine that was once used for writing letters and other documents is the largest word that one can make if they click only on a single row of their computer’s keyboard: typewriter!

7) Blink: Men wink at women, but research has found out that the average woman blinks nearly two times more than the average man.

Suicide: Even though you might have wondered if it was possible, studies have discovered that it is impossible to kill oneself by simply holding in your breath.

9) Licking: However much you may try, you will never be able to lick your elbows.

10) Sneeze: Try sneezing. People will automatically answer you with a bless you greeting. Have you ever imagined why? Some say that this happens because a sneeze stops the functioning of the heart for a very tiny second.

11) The Blue Sky: Did you know that a pig, no matter how much they try, cannot look up into the sky?

12) Twisting Your Tongue: We have all dabbled with different tongue-twisters in our day. But do you know which is the toughest? Sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick.

13) Ribs: Did you know that you should try not to sneeze too strongly. Why? A very powerful sneeze has the ability to cause a fracture in your ribcage. But, then again, if you try and withhold one, you stand the chance of breaking one of the many blood vessels in your neck or head. This could cause death.

14) Cards: Did you think that the Kings are all just random cards referring to random figures? No. Each one signifies a different king: Diamonds for Julius Caesar, Clubs for Alexander the Great, Spades for David and Hearts for Charlemagne.

15) And finally: Most everyone reading this (Caught You!) are trying to lick their elbows at this exact moment!

Conclusion: Most of these are not scientific facts, but they are hilarious, funny and can be used to lighten up the ambience when a conversation has gone dull. Use any and see your popularity rise up to great heights. Visit .gambling-portal.com for more jokes.

1) Coca-Cola: Did you know that its original colour was green?

2) Mohammed: Did you know that this is the most used name in the entire world?

3) Geographical Letters: Did you know that the name of each of the continents begins and concludes with the exact same alphabet? Do not believe that? Look up Asia, Europe, Africa, America, Antarctica and the rest.

4) Muscle Strength: Did you know that the strongest muscle in the entire body is that one which we use to lick a popsicle? Your tongue.

5) Credit Cards: In the United States, were you aware that each and every person has at least two credit cards?

6) An Antique Machine: The word for an old machine that was once used for writing letters and other documents is the largest word that one can make if they click only on a single row of their computer’s keyboard: typewriter!

7) Blink: Men wink at women, but research has found out that the average woman blinks nearly two times more than the average man.

Suicide: Even though you might have wondered if it was possible, studies have discovered that it is impossible to kill oneself by simply holding in your breath.

9) Licking: However much you may try, you will never be able to lick your elbows.

10) Sneeze: Try sneezing. People will automatically answer you with a bless you greeting. Have you ever imagined why? Some say that this happens because a sneeze stops the functioning of the heart for a very tiny second.

11) The Blue Sky: Did you know that a pig, no matter how much they try, cannot look up into the sky?

12) Twisting Your Tongue: We have all dabbled with different tongue-twisters in our day. But do you know which is the toughest? Sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick.

13) Ribs: Did you know that you should try not to sneeze too strongly. Why? A very powerful sneeze has the ability to cause a fracture in your ribcage. But, then again, if you try and withhold one, you stand the chance of breaking one of the many blood vessels in your neck or head. This could cause death.

14) Cards: Did you think that the Kings are all just random cards referring to random figures? No. Each one signifies a different king: Diamonds for Julius Caesar, Clubs for Alexander the Great, Spades for David and Hearts for Charlemagne.

15) And finally: Most everyone reading this (Caught You!) are trying to lick their elbows at this exact moment!

Conclusion: Most of these are not scientific facts, but they are hilarious, funny and can be used to lighten up the ambience when a conversation has gone dull. Use any and see your popularity rise up to great heights. Visit .gambling-portal.com for more jokes.

But, as we all know, making them laugh, is easier said than done. Precisely for those who find it difficult to come up with something funny to say, I am adding some funny anecdotes and wise cracks that you can memorize and then use in those situations where you need to get the girl in front of you to laugh.

1) The Prescription:

Did you hear of the lady, who walked into the pharmacist and asked for arsenic?

The man behind the counter asked in wonder, “What do you need that for?

The lady calmly replied,” to kill my husband.”

The pharmacist was taken aback,” Are you crazy? Do you want to get us both into jail? And, anyway, why do you want to kill him? Go to a counselor. Get help for your marriage.”

The lady paused and from her purse she removed a set of pictures of her husband and the wife of the pharmacist in some very creative postures.

The pharmacist looked at the snaps, put them down and smiled,” lady, why did you not tell me that you have a prescription?”

2) The Tip Book

A wife calls out to her husband, “Have you seen the book, 101 Tips to Live for More Than a Hundred Years?

The husband sheepishly replies, “I burnt it.”

“What?” the wife shouted out,” why?”

The husband whispered back,” Because your mother wanted to read it.”

3) Range of Food

Looking at his wife fry meat balls in all kinds of shapes and sizes, Tom tapped her on the shoulder, “Why?”

His wife turned,” Because you asked for a variety of food.”

4) Mushrooms

Tom was picking mushrooms from the forest floor with his wife, when she picked up one and showed it to Tom,” Is this for eating?”

Tom smiled,” Yes. As long as you do not cook it.”

5) Driving Around

Tom greeted his wife when she returned home,” So, my dear, how was your first time driving all alone?”

His wife smiled coyly, “Do you want to hear it from me or read about it in the papers?

6) Drama

A couple are watching a film in their local theater when the wife snuggles close to her husband and points to the screen,” Do you think that they will get married in the end?”

The husband sighs,” Yes. These movies always have bad endings.”

7) The Library

Tom visited the local library, walks up to the librarian and asks, “Do you know where I can find the book, the Supremacy of Men over Women?”

The librarian conducts a short search on the computer and looks up,” you will be able to find it in the science fiction.”

Conclusion:

While some of these might sound offensive, if you use them well you will be able to display not just a sense of humour, but also that you are exactly the opposite of the stereotype. How? Immediately, after you done, lean over and whisper, But I am not like that, and if you allow me to take you out, you will see that for yourself.

The story goes that there was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than to carry on such a relationship.

So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court it was decided that this choice should be left to their son. So the judge asked “Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?”

The kid replied,” No, mummy beats me.”

So the judge asked “Then, would you like to stay with your papa?”

The kid replied, “No, papa beats me too.”

Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do. After pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child.

And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with

Any guesses?

Come on I know you can guess this.

Ok here is the decision: The judge decided that the kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they never beat anybody.

And here are some one liners to pipe up your day:

Why do Indian babies cry and complain all the time?

They are practicing how to become Indian cricketers when they grow up.

What is an handcuffed Indian Cricketer called?

A cricketer you can trust.

What are the four words that will destroy any Indian batsman?

Did you bat today?

Why doesnt the crowd blink when Tendulkar goes out to bat?

There just is no time until he gets out again.

What is the difference between an Indian batsman and an Australian one?

100 runs.

What is the difference between batteries and Indian cricketers?

Batteries have a positive side.

How do you force Indian cricketers to run between wickets?

You place food on either end.

Yes, I know that some of these jokes are really putting the Indian team down but considering their recent form (excluding the recent two victories against West Indies which I think is more of a fluke than anything else), I felt that I could say such things.

I cannot understand how such players such as Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and the rest can let the fans down time and again. Sometimes it seems that they are not really interested in playing and that they gamble away their wicket easily. If that is the case then they should leave and let other more able and willing youngsters take a shot. They will not fare much worse in any case. What will they do? Lose. They lose anyway and to any cricket playing nation in the world!

The story goes that there was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than to carry on such a relationship.

So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court it was decided that this choice should be left to their son. So the judge asked “Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?”

The kid replied,” No, mummy beats me.”

So the judge asked “Then, would you like to stay with your papa?”

The kid replied, “No, papa beats me too.”

Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do. After pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child.

And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with

Any guesses?

Come on I know you can guess this.

Ok here is the decision: The judge decided that the kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they never beat anybody.

And here are some one liners to pipe up your day:

Why do Indian babies cry and complain all the time?

They are practicing how to become Indian cricketers when they grow up.

What is an handcuffed Indian Cricketer called?

A cricketer you can trust.

What are the four words that will destroy any Indian batsman?

Did you bat today?

Why doesnt the crowd blink when Tendulkar goes out to bat?

There just is no time until he gets out again.

What is the difference between an Indian batsman and an Australian one?

100 runs.

What is the difference between batteries and Indian cricketers?

Batteries have a positive side.

How do you force Indian cricketers to run between wickets?

You place food on either end.

Yes, I know that some of these jokes are really putting the Indian team down but considering their recent form (excluding the recent two victories against West Indies which I think is more of a fluke than anything else), I felt that I could say such things.

I cannot understand how such players such as Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and the rest can let the fans down time and again. Sometimes it seems that they are not really interested in playing and that they gamble away their wicket easily. If that is the case then they should leave and let other more able and willing youngsters take a shot. They will not fare much worse in any case. What will they do? Lose. They lose anyway and to any cricket playing nation in the world!

But, as we all know, making them laugh, is easier said than done. Precisely for those who find it difficult to come up with something funny to say, I am adding some funny anecdotes and wise cracks that you can memorize and then use in those situations where you need to get the girl in front of you to laugh.

1) The Prescription:

Did you hear of the lady, who walked into the pharmacist and asked for arsenic?

The man behind the counter asked in wonder, “What do you need that for?

The lady calmly replied,” to kill my husband.”

The pharmacist was taken aback,” Are you crazy? Do you want to get us both into jail? And, anyway, why do you want to kill him? Go to a counselor. Get help for your marriage.”

The lady paused and from her purse she removed a set of pictures of her husband and the wife of the pharmacist in some very creative postures.

The pharmacist looked at the snaps, put them down and smiled,” lady, why did you not tell me that you have a prescription?”

2) The Tip Book

A wife calls out to her husband, “Have you seen the book, 101 Tips to Live for More Than a Hundred Years?

The husband sheepishly replies, “I burnt it.”

“What?” the wife shouted out,” why?”

The husband whispered back,” Because your mother wanted to read it.”

3) Range of Food

Looking at his wife fry meat balls in all kinds of shapes and sizes, Tom tapped her on the shoulder, “Why?”

His wife turned,” Because you asked for a variety of food.”

4) Mushrooms

Tom was picking mushrooms from the forest floor with his wife, when she picked up one and showed it to Tom,” Is this for eating?”

Tom smiled,” Yes. As long as you do not cook it.”

5) Driving Around

Tom greeted his wife when she returned home,” So, my dear, how was your first time driving all alone?”

His wife smiled coyly, “Do you want to hear it from me or read about it in the papers?

6) Drama

A couple are watching a film in their local theater when the wife snuggles close to her husband and points to the screen,” Do you think that they will get married in the end?”

The husband sighs,” Yes. These movies always have bad endings.”

7) The Library

Tom visited the local library, walks up to the librarian and asks, “Do you know where I can find the book, the Supremacy of Men over Women?”

The librarian conducts a short search on the computer and looks up,” you will be able to find it in the science fiction.”

Conclusion:

While some of these might sound offensive, if you use them well you will be able to display not just a sense of humour, but also that you are exactly the opposite of the stereotype. How? Immediately, after you done, lean over and whisper, But I am not like that, and if you allow me to take you out, you will see that for yourself.

Jokes and riddle don’t come to mind randomly. In fact, after watching how many comedians create their routines, I am convinced that they use what I call “humor algorithms,” even if they do so unconsciously. You can learn to do the same, but consciously, and as an interesting brain exercise.

Joke And Riddle Algorithms

One systematic and creative humor algorithm involves starting with a word or a subject, and then fitting it into various joke and riddle “types.” For an example, I’ll start with “chair.” (I really am doing this as I write, so forgive the weak humor that is sure to result.)

The first thing I do is systematically think of all the types of chairs I can, and write them down. After that, I write down a few types of jokes, such as “puns,” “misdirection,” “differences,” and “similarities.” As I do this, it occurs to me that an electric chair might have the most potential for humor (all serious things do). Here is what I could come up with in thirteen minutes:

Differences: What is the difference between a toilet and a chair? I’m sorry, but if you don’t know, I can’t invite you over to my house!

Misdirection: Why did Charlie hate the chair they gave him for his birthday? Because they gave him the electric chair!

Similarities: What does my dog have in common with a chair? He has four legs and an IQ of zero.

Pun: Why did the customer at the motor vehicles department start rearranging seats after waiting for hours? Because he was the “chair-man of the bored.”

Writing humor isn’t necessarily easy, but it is great brain exercise. Whether it is easy or not, by using these “algorithms,” anyone can write jokes and riddles. Why not give it a try?

Jokes and riddle don’t come to mind randomly. In fact, after watching how many comedians create their routines, I am convinced that they use what I call “humor algorithms,” even if they do so unconsciously. You can learn to do the same, but consciously, and as an interesting brain exercise.

Joke And Riddle Algorithms

One systematic and creative humor algorithm involves starting with a word or a subject, and then fitting it into various joke and riddle “types.” For an example, I’ll start with “chair.” (I really am doing this as I write, so forgive the weak humor that is sure to result.)

The first thing I do is systematically think of all the types of chairs I can, and write them down. After that, I write down a few types of jokes, such as “puns,” “misdirection,” “differences,” and “similarities.” As I do this, it occurs to me that an electric chair might have the most potential for humor (all serious things do). Here is what I could come up with in thirteen minutes:

Differences: What is the difference between a toilet and a chair? I’m sorry, but if you don’t know, I can’t invite you over to my house!

Misdirection: Why did Charlie hate the chair they gave him for his birthday? Because they gave him the electric chair!

Similarities: What does my dog have in common with a chair? He has four legs and an IQ of zero.

Pun: Why did the customer at the motor vehicles department start rearranging seats after waiting for hours? Because he was the “chair-man of the bored.”

Writing humor isn’t necessarily easy, but it is great brain exercise. Whether it is easy or not, by using these “algorithms,” anyone can write jokes and riddles. Why not give it a try?