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Laughing at the Indian Cricket Team
Indian cricket is headed for a disastrous World Cup and only those who wish to bury their head in the sand can think that they will do well there. The pitches in West Indies are fast and the players (who anyway have a tough time on such pitches) will succumb easily. They will advance (I truly hope so) to the next round by beating the weak teams but they will lose once again to the strong ones and they will find ourselves out and forgotten very soon. So instead of feeling sad, the only thing left for the fans to do is to joke about them. So here goes!
The story goes that there was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than to carry on such a relationship.
So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court it was decided that this choice should be left to their son. So the judge asked “Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?”
The kid replied,” No, mummy beats me.”
So the judge asked “Then, would you like to stay with your papa?”
The kid replied, “No, papa beats me too.”
Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do. After pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child.
And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with
Any guesses?
Come on I know you can guess this.
Ok here is the decision: The judge decided that the kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they never beat anybody.
And here are some one liners to pipe up your day:
Why do Indian babies cry and complain all the time?
They are practicing how to become Indian cricketers when they grow up.
What is an handcuffed Indian Cricketer called?
A cricketer you can trust.
What are the four words that will destroy any Indian batsman?
Did you bat today?
Why doesnt the crowd blink when Tendulkar goes out to bat?
There just is no time until he gets out again.
What is the difference between an Indian batsman and an Australian one?
100 runs.
What is the difference between batteries and Indian cricketers?
Batteries have a positive side.
How do you force Indian cricketers to run between wickets?
You place food on either end.
Yes, I know that some of these jokes are really putting the Indian team down but considering their recent form (excluding the recent two victories against West Indies which I think is more of a fluke than anything else), I felt that I could say such things.
I cannot understand how such players such as Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and the rest can let the fans down time and again. Sometimes it seems that they are not really interested in playing and that they gamble away their wicket easily. If that is the case then they should leave and let other more able and willing youngsters take a shot. They will not fare much worse in any case. What will they do? Lose. They lose anyway and to any cricket playing nation in the world!
Laughter: Use It to Pick Up Women
Humour, some say, is the fruit of life, and this is especially true when it comes to picking up on a girl no matter where the location. Make them laugh, and I guarantee, that you are very close to getting their phone number and even to getting them to go out with you.
But, as we all know, making them laugh, is easier said than done. Precisely for those who find it difficult to come up with something funny to say, I am adding some funny anecdotes and wise cracks that you can memorize and then use in those situations where you need to get the girl in front of you to laugh.
1) The Prescription:
Did you hear of the lady, who walked into the pharmacist and asked for arsenic?
The man behind the counter asked in wonder, “What do you need that for?
The lady calmly replied,” to kill my husband.”
The pharmacist was taken aback,” Are you crazy? Do you want to get us both into jail? And, anyway, why do you want to kill him? Go to a counselor. Get help for your marriage.”
The lady paused and from her purse she removed a set of pictures of her husband and the wife of the pharmacist in some very creative postures.
The pharmacist looked at the snaps, put them down and smiled,” lady, why did you not tell me that you have a prescription?”
2) The Tip Book
A wife calls out to her husband, “Have you seen the book, 101 Tips to Live for More Than a Hundred Years?
The husband sheepishly replies, “I burnt it.”
“What?” the wife shouted out,” why?”
The husband whispered back,” Because your mother wanted to read it.”
3) Range of Food
Looking at his wife fry meat balls in all kinds of shapes and sizes, Tom tapped her on the shoulder, “Why?”
His wife turned,” Because you asked for a variety of food.”
4) Mushrooms
Tom was picking mushrooms from the forest floor with his wife, when she picked up one and showed it to Tom,” Is this for eating?”
Tom smiled,” Yes. As long as you do not cook it.”
5) Driving Around
Tom greeted his wife when she returned home,” So, my dear, how was your first time driving all alone?”
His wife smiled coyly, “Do you want to hear it from me or read about it in the papers?
6) Drama
A couple are watching a film in their local theater when the wife snuggles close to her husband and points to the screen,” Do you think that they will get married in the end?”
The husband sighs,” Yes. These movies always have bad endings.”
7) The Library
Tom visited the local library, walks up to the librarian and asks, “Do you know where I can find the book, the Supremacy of Men over Women?”
The librarian conducts a short search on the computer and looks up,” you will be able to find it in the science fiction.”
Conclusion:
While some of these might sound offensive, if you use them well you will be able to display not just a sense of humour, but also that you are exactly the opposite of the stereotype. How? Immediately, after you done, lean over and whisper, But I am not like that, and if you allow me to take you out, you will see that for yourself.
Las Vegas: Top 5 Poker Rooms in Las Vegas
If you want to experience live poker action at the gambling Mecca of the world, here is a guide to the top poker rooms in Las Vegas. You can read here updated info on each of the recommended Las Vegas poker rooms including their game variety, limits and tournaments.
1) Bellagio Casino and Hotel
If you want to experience Las Vegas poker action and hang out with pros, the Bellagio is the casino for you. It is one of the classiest poker rooms available in Las Vegas. It is so popular that you might find yourself spending over an hour at the waiting list and then find yourself stuck with a bunch of enthusiastic amateurs.
The games offered are Texas Holdem, Omaha and stud games, and you can also join one of the tournaments, but note that this involves playing No Limit Holdem. As for the table limits for the regular games, these are as follows:
a) Limit Holdem: 4/8, 8/16, 15/30, 30/60, 60/120, 75/150 dollars and up.
b) No Limit Holdem: 200 dollars buy ins with 2/5 dollars blinds.
c) Omaha: 6/12, 15/30, 20/40, 30/60, 50/100 dollars and up.
d) Stud Poker: 1/5, 4/8, 8/16, 30/60, 75/150 dollars and up.
2) Mirage Las Vegas
If you are tired of waiting for a table at Bellagio, the poker rooms at the Mirage can be an acceptable alternative. It resembles Bellagio’s with its luxurious atmosphere, variety of games and its huge popularity among pros as well as tourists.
The games offered are Texas Holdem and Omaha, Stud and as the Bellagio, playing in a tournament means getting involved with No Limit Texas Holdem. As for the limits of each table in a regular game, they are:
a) Limit Holdem: 3/6, 6/12, 10/20, 20/40, 40/80 dollars.
b) No Limit Holdem: between 100 and 500 dollars buy ins with 2/5 dollars blinds.
c) Omaha: 5/10 dollars.
d) Stud Poker: 1/5, 5/10.
3) Excalibur Las Vegas
If you want to play in a less stressful environment, check out the poker room at the Excalibur casino. You can play spread limit Holdem with the lowest limits available on the Strip and enjoy beginners friendly rules such as limitation on three raises. The room has been renovated recently and the poker tables and seats are very comfortable.
At the Excalibur, you can play Texas Holdem or 7 Card Stud, and the limits are slightly lower:
a) Limit Holdem: 1/3, 2/6 dollars.
b) No Limit Holdem: 100 dollars buy ins with 1/3 dollars blinds.
c) 7 Card Stud: 1/5 dollars and up.
4) Binions’ Horseshoe Hotel and Casino
If you want to play at the same room where the first WSOP took place, you must visit Binions’ poker room. Although the casino has been renovated and went through many changes since the days of Nick the Greek, the ghosts of the past still haunt the place, but in a good way.
Here too you can play Texas Holdem, No Limit Holdem in their own tournament, Omaha and Stud games for the following limits:
a) Limit Holdem: 2/4, 4/8, 10/20 dollars.
b) No Limit Holdem: 100 dollars minimum buy ins with 1/2 dollars blinds.
c) Omaha: 4/8 dollars.
d) Stud Poker: 1/5.
5) Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino
If you want to follow in the steps of the 2006 WSOP champions, check out the Rio poker room. You might be surprised from the size and the small variety of games, but the thought of sharing the same location with contemporary gaming legends adds a certain appeal to it.
Other than taking part in the tournament where you can participate in some No Limit Holdem, you can pick from Texas Holdem, 7 Card Stud, Omaha or a few other variations according to what players request. The limits are as follows:
a) Limit Holdem: 2/4, 3/6, 4/8 dollars.
b) No Limit Holdem: 100 dollars minimum buy ins with 2/5 dollars blinds.
Las Vegas: Top Three Land Casinos
Las Vegas is synonymous with casino playing and sports betting. While the desert blooms on its outskirts, the lights of this betting mecca signal all who enter that this is not any other vacationionl spot. Who does not recognize the big neon cowboy called Vegas Vic waving to all visitors: “Come In Come In” at the entrance to the Pioneer Club.
But, let us suppose you have decided to go to Vegas and have no idea which casinos to go to play. There are so many that you might just go to the nearest one and miss out on some real and true excitement. That is why you must read this article.
Why Do you Want to Go to a Casino?
Interested in the spectacular sights? These are the top three not to miss:
1) The Venetian
Why go to Venice if you can take a gondola ride through street just like you would in Venice? This is a definate MUST and especially so if you are going with a mate. For singles, this is still a great experience because the place is huge and the ride entertaining.
2) Paris
Similar in theme to the Venetian, this casino makes you feel like you have visited Paris in France with the imposing Eiffel Tower looming down on you from above, you can even take a fast-moving ride and wizz through and by the towers and other spectacular palaces and gardens.
3) The Bellagio
No waterfall or water fountain I have seen is as spectacular and coloruful like the one sported at the Bellagio. Starting with blue and then changing from an orange to a fiery crimson tinge, I felt that the water has caught fire and I was witnessing something I had only read about: instant combustion.
More interested in playing a casino game than in sightseeing? Pick one of these three:
1) Excalibur
This is one of the most busiest corners of the entire globe. Their casino is the largest you will ever see and it addition it is not just a casino. Its designed in a medieval manor or palace kind of theme that makes you feel as if you have been jutted back in time. The tables are also easy to get a seat and the dealers are fair. Yes. The Excalibur is a great place to play your favourite casino games.
2) The Luxor
Why not enter ancient Egypt and place your bet as the age-old pharaohs look on? The casino hall at the Luxor is designed as the interior of the Great Pyramid in Egypt (actually it’s a lot better than the orignial one) and the betting floor is vast and encompassing of all games such as poker, craps, roulette, baccarat, blackjack and a large number of electronic slot machines.
3) The Hilton Casino Lounge
Amazing but true. The Hilton casino lounge supplies the best odds for sports and casino bets. Maybe it’s the fact that this is not one of the better known casinos in Las Vegas, or maybe its because its name is not synonymous with gambling, but in any case, if you are interested in pure card or slot gaming, this is the casino to go to.
Conclusion:
Las Vegas is one of the best locations for entertainment in the world and you can find all kinds of shows and theme parks there so you will not get bored no matter what you like. Relax, or take an active part in your trip. Learn more about casinos at .gambling-portal.com because you will definitely enjoy your stay at Las Vegas.
Las Vegas: How to Have Non Gambling Related Fun
Last month, my wife, Anne Doe, took me to Las Vegas because she had to go for a business convention. Needless to say, she writes for an guide to casinos and I hate gambling. But then, she likes it and this supports us too, so I went along without any hassle. At first I was depressed, but then as I asked around and looked around, I ended up having more fun in Las Vegas than I would have thought. And no. I did not enter a single casino while I was there.
Entertainment:
One of the greatest things about Las Vegas, Reno and Atlantic City (but especially Las Vegas) is the number of shows that are available. You can get to watch top class comedians like Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Tim Allen and even the likes of Bill Cosby and Chris Rock. If you are into music you can watch female singers like Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Beyonc?, male performers like Phil Collins, Eric Clapton, Snoopy Dog and bands like Oasis and Bon Jovi. I could go on and on but the list is endless. If you are into magic you can watch magicians like David Copperfield do their thing meters from you. Whatever you like, you can find it here from Western music to oldies to Jazz, Rock, Heavy Mettle to Trance. All you have to do is look at the itenary offered during your visit.
Food:
Chinese to Japanese to Korean to Jewish and even Vegetarian and proper meat eating establishments await your every delight in Vegas. Do not opt for the cheap and oily fried dishes served for free while you play. Stop a while and take in the delightful scenery and smells of East Asian or European dishes. What is wondrous is that you get to see man’s ability to mix. A real melting pot if I may say so myself.
But is that all what casino cities like Las Vegas are about? Do you have to remain in the city to really and truly enjoy your stay?
No.
Here are some of the better attractions you must see on your visit to Vegas:
Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon:
Book yourself a seat on any of the many sightseeing tours available and go and watch the architectural marvel that is Hoover Dam built over the Grand canyon which is also a grand sight to see by itself. Black Canyon is another must see as is Lake Mead which is so beautiful just because it is a body of water all surrounded by desert-like nature.
Colorado River:
While looking at the Dam and Canyon is from above, to see the true beauty of the river, you have to go down. The Colorado river is excellent for river-rafting and water sports, but you do not have to take part if it is not your thing. Instead just sit back and enjoy another of nature’s marvels.
Bonnie Springs:
Who can not resist going to one of the old towns like those in the Western gun slinging movies? Your destination needs to be Old Nevada. There you can delight in an old western town right in the middle of Red Rock Canyon. They host western shootouts too so come prepared, partner!
Conclusion:
I could go on and on about other attractions like the theme park in Circus Circus, the Gilcrease Nature Sanctuary, the Henderson Bird Viewing Preserve and Mt. Charleston but I think you get the picture. In Las Vegas and hate gambling? Do not despair. Just go out and have some clean un-gambling fun.
Las Vegas: How to Ensure Your Vacation is Full of Adventure and Kicks
Las Vegas was for a long time the adults playground. Las Vegas was and is the gambling and drinking capitol of the world, and it was just about as Wild West as you could get in the twentieth century. But in the last 20 years Las Vegas has changed into a large amusement park for the whole family. There is such a wide variety of things to do inside and outside of Las Vegas apart from gambling, that it would be a shame to pass up the opportunity to see some of the beautiful sites around the area.
1) Think location. A hotel that is located directly on the strip will end up being much higher in price than a hotel just off the strip. Really, glamour is nice, but saving a couple of extra hundred dollars in the long run will allow you the opportunity to do some great things that had not been originally accounted for.
2) Outside of Las Vegas are some very nice deserts and mountains. Easy to get to and very close, it is nice to take a break from the gambling and partying to get out and visit a bit of nature. Finding a hotel that is close to the Strip but also close to all the nature reserves is a big bonus when you are not having a good time at the casino tables.
3) Las Vegas is huge, and continues to grow, so trying to visit an amusement park on the outskirts from the Strip, may tend to be a bit difficult, so try to aim to be a little farther from all the traffic if you are not just gambling and are doing other fun things.
4) When searching for a place to stay in Las Vegas, you will find that in just about any direction there will be hotels in which to stay, offering a drive of less than 10 minutes to the Strip plus there is free parking at most casinos on the Strip for when you are going to gamble.
5) Think Entertainment! Check out the available shows during the time you are in Vegas. If you are lucky, you might get to see some of the greatest entertainers such as Jay Leno, Edwin Murphy, Sting, Bon Jovi, Celine Dion, Jeniffer Lopez, Shakira, Madonna and many many more for just a few dollars. Sometimes, you might get a ticket dirt-cheap if you only look around and ask. Since Vegas is relatively small, its worth your while to check out not just the shows that your hotel (however grand it is!) is planning for its customers, but also to check out those offered by the rest of the hotels in Las Vegas.
These are just a few things to keep in mind when traveling to Las Vegas. If you are traveling with the family, you will want to remember that Las Vegas and Nevada offer excellent hotels and casinos as well as some of the most undisturbed wildlife and nature reserves and fantastic camping in the area.
If you wish to find out more about the casinos in Las Vegas or the entertainment and different adventures you could take part in, go to .gambling-portal.com for detailed reviews, explanations and hot tips.
Las Vacaciones son la Mejor Soluci
Si te sientes un poco estresado con el trabajo, con tu pareja o con la familia y necesitas tomar decisiones, ver a los problemas con otra perspectiva siempre ayuda. Aqu